Sex and Sexuality in the 21st Century

I have been thinking a lot about sex and sexuality of late and what society has deemed acceptable or appropriate – from girls dressing ‘slutty’ in shorts that barely cover their arses to boys having more product in their hair than a drag queen in Los Vegas, I have been forced to reassess my ideas about sexuality and let go of some old prejudices and assumptions. This is all well and good, but I found that I was still hanging onto some about myself and my own sexuality. Sure, I can accept that some girls like to show off their arses for whatever reason, but I could not accept my own view of myself as a sexual being, a sexual goddess, if you will. Recently, I have noticed a pattern in my relationships that cannot be ignored. When they first started out I am sexy, flirty and downright dirty in bed. I am confident, adventurous and selfish while at the same time focusing on pleasing him. In my current relationship I had even grown to enjoy giving BJs! More for the reaction I got from him than any personal pleasure, so it’s still a little selfish… But, once it was official and I had met the parents I became withdrawn sexually with little to no libido, let alone adventure! A pattern had clearly emerged and, simply put, it was this – before commitment = crazy sex lady; after commitment = withdrawn prude. What was happening? I had even discussed this with my current partner, who was aware of me enough to understand that something had changed (Go me! I know, right?!?!), but I was at a loss to explain exactly what. I knew the when, which was great, but there was no going back in my current relationship. Besides this, I was happy to have committed and be moving forward, I didn’t want to go back to the casual friends-with-benefits arrangement! I was happy, he was happy, and clearly attentive to my needs, so what was the problem? I had thought to never find out, but I was wrong. In a rare moment of quiet – while making post-sex eggs if you must know! – a memory resurfaced… a memory that explains everything!! When I was 14 or so I was told, by someone who I assumed knew everything about the male of the species (boy, was I wrong!), the following: “good men don’t take the sluts home to meet the parents!” or something to this effect………. Anyway, the message was pretty clear. If you wanted a guy to fall for you and take you to meet his parents (what girl doesn’t! and I was 14 at the time dreaming about a starry future full of love and family…) you needed to be a certain type of lady. My 14 year old self thought “Good! I won’t be a slut then! I’ll be a good girl with good manners and high morals! I will dress and be classy and elegant like I should be!!” This translated to every aspect of myself and the more I think about it now the more I realise the far reaching impact this one little sentence has had on my life! More importantly, it dawned on me that this is why I retreat, this is why I change my personality and repress my sexuality when the relationship becomes serious. I change it from the outrageous, outgoing, crazy, adventure loving, funny loud mouth who doesn’t give a shit what anyone thinks of her to the more acceptable quiet, helpful, thoughtful, nurturing lady society has told us women to be. I become more serious and start to worry about the little things that didn’t bother me before. I also found lately that I am on tenterhooks, as if I am waiting for something to happen, but this is another story all together… Still, the connection is pretty clear. I know that enjoying sex does not make you a slut! I also know that ‘slut’ was and still is a term used to repress women, which is probably why I have always hated it. I know my sexuality is a natural part of being human and it needs to be honoured while I exist on this plane. Now I know the pattern or program that has lead me to this belief I can let it go with love. Say ‘thanks, but no thanks!’ to the little voice in my head and forgive, if not feel some sympathy for, the lady who told me this to start with. I can only imagine what her life is like now still carrying this belief around! I would not even want to hazard a guess, because this is about me and my life, and I want to live in all aspects from my higher self, my authentic self. It just so happens that my authentic self, among other things, really likes sex……