It got me thinking, how do I show love? Time. Spending (and making) time with the people is how I show them I love them. Quality time too, not just the superficial kind, but actually talking and connecting and being present. This is one of the five love languages apparently.
I also show love by doing things for people, or 'acts of service'. Whether it's big or small, I always show people I care by helping in some way. Not so much with money, but services. I might buy my loved ones a meal or a beer, but usually it's by helping out with something that needs to be done. Like moving house, for example. I have been known to buy people flowers or some kind of junk food treat, especially when I can't physically help them.
I am also definitely an affectionate person, I show love by 'physical touch'. Hugs or kisses are the easiest way for me to show, and be shown, affection. I'm a lot more affectionate with lovers, but I am always quick with a hug and a kiss on the cheek as a salutation.
The last two of the five I don't do. Saying 'I love you' means nothing if you don't show it - your actions must match your words. I'm also not big on buying stuff because I'm not a fan of materialism. Besides, buying a new ring will get old eventually. I mean, I o it habe 10 fingers. What will you do then? Toe rings? Bracelets?
This all got me thinking about self-love. What struck me as odd is that I don't show myself love in these ways. I don't spend time with myself, do things for myself or show myself affection. It also struck me that this would be the perfect strategy to start showing love to myself.
Self-love has been a struggle all my life. There is a culture in Australia, called the 'tall poppy syndrome', where you are ridiculed for having a high (or perhaps it might actually be healthy,) level of self-confidence and you are seen as 'up yourself' if you say you love yourself, or even like yourself. People don't like you getting 'too big for your boots' and say things to bring you down.
Early on you realise it is not normal, even wrong, to love yourself, or even like yourself. People would say 'look at her, she loves herself sick!' And you'd be looked down upon for doing it. So this 'tell yourself you love yourself' thing has been particularly hard as I didn't want to appear 'up-myself'.
Now, i realise it is not my problem. It is not my problem what people think of me. This 'tall poppy' culture is not my problem. I have accepted it is a reflection of the society in which I live, not a reflection on me in any way. It is perfectly acceptable to have a healthy level of self-confidence and self-love. Still, the how alluded me.
Until I heard Jane's podcast. Until I thought of how I needed to show these things to myself. Until I made a decision to start doing so. Then I started to love myself just a little bit more.
It's a long journey, and one whose path I have already veered away from, but perhaps writing this will remind me. I'll also not beat myself up for getting off track. I'll simply hop back on the 'self-love' road and gonabout my business.
